Testing Testing is This Thing On?

I'm feeling discouraged.  I tried to do some Google research about discouragement and all I could immediately find were links to religious pages.  I'm not religious, so reading an article concluding that putting my faith in God is a logical solution does not help me to feel less discouraged.  I never knew God had the monopoly on discouragement.  I want studies.  I want methods.  I want concrete solutions.

I also realized that I am in an incredibly bad mood.  I have started and stopped writing this post so many times that I'm irritating myself.  Mostly I just want to spew obscenities.  I want to punch the wall and I want to hide from everyone.  Ok, so we all have these kinds of days, but like the methodical person I am, I am going to sit down and write out the reasons and try to find some solutions.

Lately I feel that every decision I have made in my life has been wrong.  I question everything.  I set goals for myself and when I achieve them they are not what I thought.  They don't make me happy.  I feel like George Costanza today.

When I took a look at the reasons I am discouraged I realized I'm caught in a catch-22.  I want to be able to do dolls full time and make it into a real business because I don't like working for other people making pennies (or pesos as it is).  The way to do this is simple; I need to be selling enough dolls to provide myself with a sustainable income.

It's so frustrating that the solution is simple but the application is so difficult.  I have spent countless hours researching and have sent about 20 emails so far to children's stores, toy stores, etc asking if they might be interested in carrying BeBe Babies.  I have received 0 responses.  It leads me to wonder if my emails are going through.  I must assume they are.  I think the emails are just arriving to uninterested parties.  Now that's ok, I'm not emotionally crushed by rejection.  It's not the rejection that is making me upset.

I'm upset because I want this so bad, and I want it now.  I cannot move forward in any way without orders from stores.  For example, I want to order special packaging for my dolls so that when they go to stores they are secure and professional.  Most suppliers require you to buy 1000-3000 units minimum.  I can't do that until I have orders.  I want to hire someone to help me sew and make my dolls.  I can't do that until I have the orders.  I want to hire someone to really give my website and branding a more professional appearance.  I can't do that until I have orders.  I want to hire legal services and testing services to take my BeBes to another level and I can't do that until I have orders.

I told you in the past I was thinking about looking into factory manufacturing and an agent to help me.  I cannot figure out how to find an agent.  A Google search results in representation that looks gimmicky and fake.  I'm afraid to go that route but I believe a professional could help me so much more with my goals.  I just don't know how to find them.

Many people have told me that stores and/or agents always come to them.  But those same people who gave me that information, are tight-lipped about their sources.  I have been surprised at the brick wall I have encountered when asking the Etsy community and other small artists for information.  This community always came off to me as a place to share and help one another.  How quickly that changes when people hit the big time.

So what is the solution when you lose your patience?  I believe it is to take a break.  Work on something fun and come back with the energy to continue plowing through...  And besides what choice do I have?  The alternative is even more discouraging...